The Novel
The Seven Magnificent Dwarfs
“Seven dwarfs. Two worlds. One plan just crazy enough to work.”
Johnas Blackrain is seventy years old, obscenely wealthy, and absolutely certain of one thing: as far as he’s concerned, life is pretty much over.
For fifty years, he has shut himself away on his enormous North Carolina estate, surrounded by priceless art, obsessive routines, and the memory of Alma—the only woman he ever loved.
Then, one night, a squad of dwarfs from another dimension invades his garden.
Not fairy-tale dwarfs.
Soldiers, sorcerers, hunters, and a collection of highly unconventional characters who have come to Earth to stop a mysterious outbreak that is turning harmless garden statues into living, vicious creatures.
And every clue leads straight to Blackrain Estate.
Within hours, Johnas is accused of crimes he knows nothing about, his mansion becomes a battlefield, and the meticulously controlled life he has spent decades protecting is blown apart.
But beneath the chaos lies something far bigger.
A secret buried for fifty years.
Another world.
And a second chance Johnas never expected to get.
The Seven Magnificent Dwarfs is an irreverent, unpredictable adventure where science fiction, magic, dark humor, and emotion collide in a universe where nothing is ever quite what it seems.
Forget the dwarfs you grew up with.
Seven dwarfs. Two worlds. One plan just crazy enough to work.
“An offensive, intrusive book and quite possibly grounds for legal action. The author barges into my home without permission, destroys objects of incalculable value, digs through my private past, and somehow expects the reader to find the whole thing entertaining.
Several incidents have clearly been distorted to make me appear older, more irritable, and considerably less charming than I actually am.
I will concede one thing: the main character has undeniable presence.
Had they removed all those dwarfs, it might have been an excellent novel.”
“A surprising, ambitious, and nearly impossible-to-classify work, combining adventure, technology, magic, catastrophic property damage, and a truly remarkable amount of bad male taste.
I do feel obligated to point out that none of this would have been possible without the sponsors, equipment, and contacts I personally secured. The novel mentions this, but nowhere near enough. I should also note that several descriptions of my wardrobe are hopelessly inadequate.
Overall, a marketable product.
With the right campaign.”
“A mountain of lies assembled for the sole purpose of discrediting a man who devoted his entire life to progress, knowledge, and the construction of a better future.
The author displays an alarming sympathy for dwarfs, aging billionaires, useless creatures, and people incapable of understanding the scale of a truly great project.
I, meanwhile, am portrayed as cruel, manipulative, and dangerous.
That is false.
I am considerably more dangerous than this book suggests.
I strongly advise against purchasing, reading, or distributing it.”
“With all due respect, I believe the events of Chapter Twelve have been presented in a rather one-sided manner.
Far too much attention is given to the condition of my clothing, my missing shoes, the unfortunate noise I made upon seeing Melody, and the allegedly excessive number of questions I asked.
What the book fails to emphasize is that I had just encountered several horrifying creatures, crossed half a flooded mansion, and agreed to follow Mr. Blackrain on what was, by any reasonable standard, a potentially fatal mission.
Furthermore, when confronted with a three-ton robot and a device capable of delivering ten thousand volts, asking a few questions strikes me as nothing more than professional caution.
What troubles me most, however, is being compared to Charles Pergola.
I have absolutely no idea who that is.”